Silent Suffering (Poem)

*** Trigger Warning - The following poem strongly references suicide and death. *** It's been a while since I've posted, but this poem might explain why. I've been going through what has undoubtedly been the worst case of depression I've ever had. Missing multiple days of work, self-isolation, lack of personal hygiene, laying in bed...

Stable

I finally feel stable,I have control over my mind.I'm finally capable,I'm no longer confined. I'm finally free,The demon is caged.It can no longer torture me,This makes it enraged. I have lingering feelings,Although not as prevalent.I like to think I'm dealing,As my mind becomes benevolent. I can see the beauty,The world is full of it.There use...

Returning Demon

My demon is returning,I can feel it coming for me.My stomach starts churning,As I can do nothing but plea. I plea for it to stop,Stop the tormenting.Tears begin to drop,As there's no way of preventing. Why do I feel this way?Why can't I stop crying?Who can convince me to stay,When I feel like dying? That...

Medicated

I'm heavily medicated,It hardly works.I feel deflated,I'm a walking corpse. I feel empty inside,I'm a zombie.I'm hardly alive,I have a weight on me. It's soul crushing,It's destructive.My blood is rushing,I feel defective. The worst was the Prozac,I lost my mind.The way my brain reacts,Made me go blind. Blind to the beauty of the world,Blind to...

Held Back

I have hopes,I have goals.Yet all I can do is mope,As I continue to dig this hole. There's a devil in me,It holds me back.I want to be set free,I want to pick up the slack. Goals go unfulfilled,My mind goes blank.It's not that I'm unskilled,I'm just stuck in a dunk tank. The devil throws...

Demoralized

I've become demoralized,I've lost all ambition.I've come to realize,I've succumbed to submission. I use to dream big,Now my dreams are just dreams.A hole of self-destruction I dig,As my mind bursts at the seams. I wanted to be a wrestler as a kid,I wanted that fame and glory.Now I want to fall off the grid,Put an...

Demons On Fire

My demons are on fire,That's right, they're angry.The situation isn't dire,But lately I've been cranky. I can tell it's the depression,Just with a hint of frustration.I can feel the lingering aggression,As I await my salvation. My demons are on fire,They cause me to lash out.Of this I have no desire,But my mind is in a...

I’m Fine

I'm fine, I say.I'm lying to myself,To get through the day.It's never heartfelt. Today was rough,I'm not excited for tomorrow.I've had just about enough,Of feeling this intense sorrow. I'm fine, I lie.I put on a fake smile,And avoid the urge to cry.What makes life worthwhile? Worth, something I lack.Self-loathing at it's peak.My brain's all out...

Exhausted

I'm not tired, physically,I'm exhausted, mentally.I'm depressed, clinically.There's an imbalance, chemically. I've received a higher dosage,I'm really hoping it works.I can't control my emotions,I feel like a walking corpse. I can't enjoy anything,Not even my favorite activities.There's no form of self-healing,To combat this disability. I'm not disabled,I'm broken.I long to be stable,To regain my focus....

Nightmares

As the title implies,Asleep I cannot stay.For when I close my eyes,The demons come out to play. In a state of unconsciousness,I fear for my safety.I know this seems like nonsense,But the nightmares happen daily. As I awaken,Nightmares become reality.I feel forsaken,As I go on a crazy spree. Yes, I feel crazy.No, I can't control...